I visited my aunt and uncle yesterday, the former being the sister of my late mother. I’ve visited a few times since my mother’s death, but this time I went with the hope of identifying some long dead relatives of which I have photographs that were among my mother’s possessions. The visit left me a little sad because I hadn’t realised how poor my aunt’s eyesight is now (she is virtually blind with glaucoma) and she couldn’t see the photographs well enough to determine who most of the relatives were, although she did point out my maternal nan’s sister and possibly a niece, which was interesting to know.
More than the sadness over the photographs was the sense of knowing my aunt’s generation is slowly being lost forever. Both my aunt and uncle are 87 years old and in very poor health. I am thankful to connect with them before it is too late, but I’m sad for what could have been. My mother and aunt had very little contact as adults and I don’t know a lot about the reason, except that my mum always felt my aunt was the favourite child and she was the afterthought. Painful feelings to be sure. I have some memories of my nan, who died when I was 14, but I only saw her in my mum’s presence. My maternal grandfather died when I was a baby. On my dad’s side, my paternal grandmother died young and my paternal grandfather was a brute and by all accounts wanted nothing to do with his grandchild.
Due to all this, I have little knowledge of my ancestry and my mother didn’t share much due to her personal reasons. She did mention various people over the years – one of her mother’s siblings, a cousin or two -and I held onto what I could. But it is only after her death that I am able to examine her long held photographs and talk to her sister – my aunt – about who they were. It is a shame that my aunt couldn’t see well enough to know for sure, but she spent ages talking about my nan and the many siblings, plus some cousins who I was able to link with the few names and tidbits my mother had shared with me.
But it is sad because my aunt and uncle will be gone, probably within a decade, and with them all the memories of my nan and her siblings. An entire generation lost. Suddenly every piece of information is precious. I am consumed with desire to know my human roots and understand more about these people from whom I have inherited my genes and characteristics. I have never previously been one for attaching too much importance to the past because all we have is now, but faced with the realisation that my mother’s generation is slowly dying out, I’d like to find out as much as I can before it is completely lost.
I never had a close family because we simply weren’t like that. I can’t say I have regrets because it couldn’t have been any different. My mother had her reasons for keeping me by her side and away from other members of the family. Likewise, my siblings grew up segregated and not close, although me and my sister are slowly building a bond now. But I do feel sad for lost opportunities and the fact I have connected with my aunt and uncle at the tail end of their lives. They are lovely people and they clearly appreciate my visits so much. They hug and kiss me goodbye which is so poignant as my mother found it hard to show affection. I am grateful for these times now, even though it will hurt when they have gone, in more ways than one.
My advice is to talk to your parents/grandparents/relatives before it’s too late. Don’t leave it until there is no one left to ask. It is tough when people don’t want to talk about times past. All that can be done is to respect that, but if the opportunity arises, don’t throw it away.
Incidentally, as soon as I can afford it, I plan to subscribe to ancestry.com!
My Inner Light 